Everything is just falling apart.

My grandmother died earlier this month of a bleeding stroke, just a couple days after my grandfather hit a jay-walking pedestrian who is still in critical condition. They've taken away his license, even though it wasn't his fault, and my father is out there (in Massachusetts, where they live) for his mother's memorial service and has decided that he wants to move back there to keep my grandfather company... which means I'm left out in the middle of nowhere.

I have no intention of moving back to MA, I finally have friends here, and a boyfriend whom I love, I'm finally genuinely happy for the first time since elementary school, but for the fourth time in my existence, my life is about to be ripped apart again. Nothing is ever in my control.

I'm 22 years old, can't get hired for the fucking life of me because there are thousands more experienced people in Hollywood looking for the same jobs. I can take care of myself, I do my own laundry, I cook for myself, I drive myself around, I clean up after myself, I can do my own friggin dishes, all that's missing are the funds to support myself. All I need is a year, or even half a year to get myself together, maybe I'll have to start working at fucking Taco Bell, I dono, I just need some time and support! If I could just get that...

So I'm clearly already stressing out, my bipolar disorder and my anxiety issues are killing me, and on top of that, I have to put this fucking "MY WORK IS NOT STOCK!" warning back up, all over my page because apparently my work sucks and cannot stand on its own. It's shitty and uninspired, therefor it must be stock, it must need more work to make it better and worth looking at. Thank you.

I am not a professional photographer, I am not a professional anything, I take these photos for fun, to enjoy them, to share them with others who will hopefully enjoy them too. I take my friends' photos to make them feel happy and good about themselves. I do not post these here to be insulted by people assuming my work is stock and telling me they assumed so because my photos are dull and without concept.

If you don't like my photos or drawings, please just move on. I don't understand the need to put people down.

I should not have to specify it as not stock, it is already implied; it is not in the stock category, nor does it say anywhere on my page or in my user name that my work is stock, and none of my comments are stock related. I allow permission to certain people who ask, and whose ideas and previous work I like, and I have them say so on the upload.

Because a photo is simple and not overly edited, it becomes stock? All my photos have a concept, they're either fashion based, make-up, costume, or emotional. No, I clearly do not have the best camera, and I don't have a fancy studio, I don't even have a tripod or proper lighting equipment, but I make due with what I have and I take pride in my work and have fun with it.

If you think my work is cheap, or does not stand well on its own, or you just don't enjoy it, that's fine, that's your own opinion to which you're entitled, but please don't put me down or belittle what I do, it's unnecessary; I ask that you simply move on. Thank you.

Happy fucking birthday to me.




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MY WORK IS NOT STOCK!! Please DO NOT use it without my permission!

My retouching portfolio and rates: modelmayhem.com/sharijoy
Please, help me out, I need it.





And watch the murder of your way of life - "Science of Fear" The Temper Trap